he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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