i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
