I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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