mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
