Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
