he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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