someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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