I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
