There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
