Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
