And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
