The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
