I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
