I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
