I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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