Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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