Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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