how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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