Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
