Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
