Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you inspire me to be a worse person
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
