He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
