Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
