i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You've changed since you got that strap on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
