Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
