so let's talk penis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
