This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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