His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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