It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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