If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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