I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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