I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
