A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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