My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
