mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
