He disabled his match.com account in front of me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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