margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
