he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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