Do you still have your period?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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