I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
there is glitter all over my balls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
