So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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