im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
