Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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