Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
