ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
