Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
