Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
