I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
