so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
