the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
