Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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