hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
