He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
