I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
